Posts Tagged With: company

Babysitting

As I you all may know, I work for an Korean company, rather than a private institute. When you work at an institute, some companies allow you to make up your own lesson plan, giving you control of the class, while others give you a pre-set lesson plan that you must follow to a T. Both will you give some independence, though not the same kind. In both you will assume control of the lessons and putting them into practice. You will become masters and respected authorities with each method. At least, that’s the goal, somewhat.

However, a company is very different. I am literally on the lowest peg of the system. I’m often excluded or forgotten about when discussing company stuff. I feel as though I have to watched constantly to make sure my work is good enough, if it’s “Korean enough” and fits their standards. Especially since Koreans have different approaches and standards for education. Any project I do get must have supervision. I can’t do anything by myself. Except maybe check a forum to reply to user comments, though sometimes I have to check if it’s OK to reply. They don’t allow me to be included in learning how to upload my online videos or check the sales and profits of classes. I truly am just a writer.

I feel so strange in this position. I feel like I have little control. Like I’m a child that must never be left alone or else I could hurt myself. It’s slightly understandable since I’m a huge risk to this company. I’m the first one to assume this kind of position here. And I’ve only been here about 6 months. So why should I assume any leadership? It’s just that, I’m so used to being in a leadership role in all my jobs before or at least been able to be left alone to hone my skills that I was able to rise faster. It took at least a year to get good at those jobs before. But I wonder if I’ll ever be able to be like my one coworker.

She’s only been here 3 years but she is like the leader of the department. She takes control of everything, especially this big project. She divides the work and gives out the orders. I admire her a lot. She is very knowledgeable and contributes a lot to the general fabric of the department. I don’t know what we would do without her. I want to be just like her. I don’t mind having a head boss, I don’t want to be department head, per se. I just want to be in-charge of something or an expert at something.

Although I’m technically the “English expert” in the department, they really don’t consult with me very much. They just do their own thing. And generally decide to ignore a bunch of stuff in order to simplify things and not make their head hurt. But by simplifying it, it sometimes feels like an insult. “Just get rid of it~” “Ehhh, just lump it with them!” Those sorts of things. But you can’t just lump it together like that. But they will. To make their work easier. That’s all.

All of this makes me realize that I just need to get better and better at Korean so I can get more self-sufficient. I need to be a lot better so they’ll trust me more. I’m not good enough yet. But there’s always potential. I’m more free than most foreigners, but not free enough. But then again, in Korea, is anyone ever really free? Not really…

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Memories & Exams

Lately, I’ve become very worried about my mental health. Haha, it sounds like I’m saying that I’m a crazy person. I’m not that crazy, maybe a little though.

I have noticed within the last few months. Actually, since February, I have been in a terrible mood that I can’t shake off. It just follows me. It makes me hate lots of things, be pessimistic and cynical, among many other things. It is really driving me crazy. I need something to get me out of this mood but I dont know what will do.

Also, I was talking to my boss since today was the annual workers health exam, mandated by all workers to be done before Dec. 15th. We got it in right before the bell, huh? I mentioned that it is a bit late to be doing this and he then semi-scolded/semi-reminded me that it was my idea to do it later. That we kept putting it of because of me. When I tried to deny it, he said he remembered the conversation since he was in the room when it happened. Now, when I think back to the conversation, it’s extremely fuzzy. I barely remember it. But what I think I remember was me saying to get this done ASAP since it would be stupid to do it the week of. I know we discussed it last week but I said then that I.couldn’t do it due to dance or something. I don’t remember.

And that’s the problem. I don’t remember much. I always have trouble remembering events or conversations, especially really important stuff. It is driving me crazy. I need to somehow get this solved. But it happens with my mom too. My dad a little. It might be partially genetic. So now I’m somewhat screwed. I need to start stimulating my mind to get it back in shape. This is getting ridiculous. I should start taking some supplements to try and remedy this.

Anyway, today was the annual company health exam at some hospital with Bear. Oh, it was just strange. So, we have to wait an hour since we ended up coming during lunch time.
It took a while for me to translate the medical forms so it didnt matter. So they ask you take your top off and wear a gown for it. However, in Korea, these sorts of things are one size fits all. Oh goodness, the girls were just about on display so I cross my arma and slink out and ask if they have a larger size. They look at me and say “Ahhh men size…” So i get that and I finally feel comfortable without risk of the girls showing. And their tests are normal except the hearing test was 5 seconds long. Im sure that doesnt make sense. I feel like it should have been longer.
But anyway, everyone was extremely nervous about dealing with me. Some actually knew English, which was nice. Some tried Korean got nervous then comfortable when I could answer them in Korean. The only person who just didn’t give a crap was the Chest Xray tech. He just was very busy and wanted to get me out of there.

And it was so weird. I had to see the dentist portion or the exam. The dentist? So strange. I don’t even get dental insurance. But at least they said I don’t have any major problems. But I should still see a real dentist. But it was strange. And it only took about 35 minutes all together. And its not painful. Except for when they draw blood. I still don’t know why they do that for a normal check up but hey, its Korea. I’ll go for it.

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