State of Affairs

Hey all,

I know it’s been a few weeks since I’ve been posting. I’ve wanted to update but I haven’t really been inspired by a specific topic. Sorry for that. So I shall give you all just a general update.

July has come and gone quite quickly. Monsoon season seemed to have come just as quickly with barely a hint of rain. And as soon as monsoon season was over, a typhoon came and has been clobbering us with rain this week and some of last week. I miss the sun. But rain is much needed around the farm lands so I can’t complain. And there was no flooding this year so I’m thankful for that as well.

These past couple weeks I’ve been in a bit of a rut. I think it started around the time of a friend’s family event. I attended the event and I was the 3rd (or in this case 5th) wheel. I just sat there and felt so uncomfortable. Some might think, “it’s because you’re jealous of the girlfriend!”. And that could be in there a bit. But it was a lot of remembering how I was flaunted to all my ex’s family as his future wife when we hadn’t discussed marriage or didn’t want it, how uncomfortable that was, and the idea of just being left behind. What do I have to show for myself? I felt like I was tagging along to something that wasn’t my own. I was angry at myself for letting this happen. And then afterwards, my friend told me before that we’d be going out after that but instead, I was dismissed since it became a family only affair. I should’ve expected it. But I just felt abandoned.

So since then I’ve been examining my life. And how unhappy I am with it. I feel as though I’m coasting. I feel like I haven’t reached my true potential. That I’m capable of much more. This isn’t what I want to do. But I don’t know a better option. So I’ve been trying to figure out what I need to do in order to fix this situation. I’ve come up with a couple:

1. Lose weight (quite obvious but I’ll get to that in a minute)
2. Pass Korean Test at Advanced level (level 5 or 6, but mostly 6)
3. Perhaps go back to school

In detail:
1. Yes, I’m fat. I’m learning to accept this. I’m learning to own it. But I’m learning to own up to it. I don’t want to just love my fat. That’s settling. I’m not a settler. And I understand this whole “love your body” and “be comfortable with who you are” sort of gimmick. And there is some truth to that. Love yourself, yes. But comfortable being you. But know that you can improve, be better. Settling for obesity isn’t OK. We need to lose weight. We need to take responsibility for ourselves instead placing the blame on the economy, Obama, my bad knee, etc. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. It can be done.

2. I’m not happy with my career. So, Mary, just change careers. Simple as pie, right? Well, what would I rather do instead? Something with Korean? Maybe translation? Oh well, you have nothing to show for it. And my Korean skills are not that good. So I need to get on that. So studying it is until I have that diploma in my hand saying I’m good enough.

3. I’ve been thinking about this since I left university. I’ve always wanted to get my masters but in what? I tried for an MBA program but didn’t make it. Stupid me. Sometimes I think about Korean language so I could become a translator or Korean teacher. Except there aren’t many jobs in that realm and they don’t pay very well. So one day an old colleague of mine mentioned the major “Forensic Linguistics”. This sounds promising. It’s the study of language used in Judicial settings, like law and such. And how to tell if people are lying, holding stuff back, maybe the police wrote a confession instead of the suspect, this would all tell you. And this has the possibility to be rewarding. I could get a job in the states with not just law but perhaps even business in marketing and other areas. So it could be useful. And there is one university that specializes in foreign language application of this topic. And it would be only a one year Master’s program since it’s in England. But, it would mean giving up everything I have in Korea right now to go. With no job guarantee after that and no money to keep myself going during it. Now, there is an online program that’s about 3 years but it’s not in the foreign language specialization I would like. So I’m considering what to do.

I have all this running through my head lately. It’s quite taxing, I must say. Somedays I get little glimmers of hope. But other days I want to lock myself in my apartment and eat fried chicken. Which doesn’t sound too much like a bad idea. But that isn’t too beneficial. Regardless, it’s little things that make me happy. My one good friend just got a job at a large international hotel. He asks me for help frequently with his emails and messages to make sure they are concise and clear and grammatically correct. I don’t mind helping him since that is my job for other things anyway. And he is a good friend whom I’m always willing to help. And we seem to work well together. Think of it like Pepper and Stark from Iron Man. So sometimes he says that eventually I’ll work with him. I’d like that. I think it would be interesting. I don’t know in what capacity it would be but sometimes it’s nice to dream. Realistically, I can’t see it but, I do hope it works out. You never know what the future holds.

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