So, it’s Sunday night and I’m watching Gag Concert with a clay mask on my face. I could even go to bed early if I wanted. It’s like I’m back where I was over a year ago, except I have the opportunity to wake up later now. Instead of getting up at 4:50, I can get up at 7. It’s such a nice feeling.
This past week was pretty busy but not exceptionally busy. Just pretty tiring. I had to film the first half of a lecture for students who are testing to become elementary school teachers but have an English interview. For some reason, it takes a lot of energy to film those lectures. And the lights just hurt my eyes after filming. I still have to do another 11 lectures this week. I’m so not looking forward to it. And they made promotional posters and everything. Ugh. I’m slightly embarrassed. Now I need to lose weight so I feel more comfortable when they film me.
So far, work is more my style. I am really enjoying my job. I mean, teaching was nice but I’m really enjoying proofreading, working on lectures and books and having freedom to do anything I want, in a way. My boss trusts me a lot. Almost too much. He has put me in charge of a book and this class. I am happy to have this much responsibility but so it’s hard sometimes, especially since I’m so new. My coworkers are really kind and patient and we seem to get along really well. They help me all time and I am thankful for their help. And I seem to also be popular amongst the women of the Accounting department. It’s really odd. They invited me to lunch my first week and now this Tuesday they are treating me to dinner. I’m quite excited about that. However, our HQ director scares me a little bit. Supposedly many people don’t like him but he called me into his office and asked me how my apartment was, how I knew the director (since this is the director’s house) and then started talking about “Favors”. He wants me to help his daughter who sometimes has to help foreigners at the dental hospital and so if she needs help to help her. And if he has any other favors, he’ll ask me. And then asked me what his previous job before allowing me to leave. All this while either staring at my face or chest. So creeptastic. I had to tell me boss and coworkers. My boss was like “Hell no. It’s not your job.” Other than that, my job is pretty decent. Yay for payday tomorrow!
Yesterday, my friend Katie came over with her saxophone and we played our instruments, watched TV on my new Smart TV (it’s pretty fun, I’m quite pleased with myself. If I can bring this back to America, I’d be so happy), ordered food, and just had fun. I’m glad I have a friend like Katie here. It’s nice though sometimes I miss having a male companion. That would be really nice. But what can I do.
Lately I’ve been pretty satisfied with my job but I’ve just been in a funk. It doesn’t help that I was getting messages everyday from my ex and then it’s been a few days since I’ve heard anything from him. It’s nice but in a way, I worry about him. Yes, he was horrible to me. The worst. I was dirt. But in a way, when you give your everything to them, it’s hard not to care about them. I really do wish the best for him. I hope he isn’t out drinking like crazy and getting into trouble. I want him to live well and meet a good girl and him be good to her. I want him to get the children he wants. I want him to learn what responsibility is. I wish he understood why I did this. If he doesn’t understand, I’m disappointed in how stupid he is. He should know since he said multiple times how we should break up since he wasn’t good enough for me because of how crappy he treated me. I don’t know how to feel anymore.
But all I know is, sitting in this big apartment alone makes me so lonely. Last week and the week before, a few times my chest would just seize up and I couldn’t breathe. It was like an asthma attack but I’ve never had one before so I’m not sure. It only lasted a few seconds and then it would be gone. But it happened a couple times. And now my chest just tightens occasionally. It must be all this stress. So I just try to sleep but I don’t know what to do. Breathing is just so hard lately. So this week I plan to sign up for swimming class so I can try and lose some weight. But I need something to look forward to. I feel like there isn’t much to look forward to. Work is fine but once I get home, the only thing to look forward to is dramas but what’s that? What kind of existence is that? I need to go out and hang out with people. But I contact people and then it’s “Ok, I’ll message you later!” but it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve heard from them, except for Katie.
With Thanksgiving this week, I hope something interesting happens. I’m gonna invite someone to hang out with this weekend. I hope it works out, though I doubt it will. I’ll let you all know later.