Jealousy, Bitterness, and Trust

When I was in elementary school, our music/art teacher one day had a book of names with the meaning behind every name. I was fascinated and excited, just as all of us were. Erin means Ireland, how sweet. Jessica means God’s grace (though there are other meanings according to Wikipedia and other sources but anyway…). Then my name… “Mary means… sea of bitterness.” Wow, what a stupid name! I’m so mad! And thus, proving the meaning behind my name. That moment, and meaning, has never left me, unfortunately. 

I am a very outgoing person. But by outgoing I mean, I love being around people. I really need to be around people to thrive, to live, to do most things. Even if I’m starving, I won’t go out to get food. I have no motivation to do it. I mean, I’m not the skinniest person, I already have a bad relationship with food so I’m not gonna run to go eat it. And even in the U.S., I got very lonely and would call people or text people to hang out but they would be busy and couldn’t come hang out with me. And I kept myself busy by watching TV or watching Youtube videos. I also worked a ton so it helped that I didn’t have too too much time to hang around or if I did, I was too tired to go out so I would stay home. But also, my friends would invite me to hang out. They would message me randomly to talk about strange things or invite me to hang out. How nice it was of them! I really miss my friends from home because of that. Our relationship was so much fun. We would talk about really stupid and crazy things. Or about life and advice. It was some really good conversations and times hanging out.


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